im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
