I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
