I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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