people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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