the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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