Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
