So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
