Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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