So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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