I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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