the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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