i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
