woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
