GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
