Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
