Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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