Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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