I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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