he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
