Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
