She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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