recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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