Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
