We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
