Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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