After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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