this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
