How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
