And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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