My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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