On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
