never play flip cup with pint glasses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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