He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
