so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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