Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
