i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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