Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
