Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
