I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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