My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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