I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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