You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
