Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
