We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
