i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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