So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
