Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You may now shotgun with the bride
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
