is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
