So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
