If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my being single is dangerous.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
