There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
