Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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