Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
