I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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