I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
