I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
