I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
