it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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