I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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