Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
