if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize