Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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