Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
