elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
