i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Holy sore nipples Batman
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
