I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
