My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize