Christians are straight up FREAKS
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Two words: nipple clamps
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