I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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