im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
