Whod you bang
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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