Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize