They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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