Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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