After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
