Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
