His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
