It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
