i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just pee around me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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