She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
