I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
