No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Mom said you looked used
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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