Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
