I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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