White coat. Heels.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
