Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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