There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
