dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
