There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
