she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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