chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
