True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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