Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
