You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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