his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
