Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
