The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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